“I’m from West Seattle,” Says Liar from Burien
In an adorable attempt to still belong, local liar Sarah Krupps has been telling everyone within earshot that she lives in West Seattle despite...
Chillr, New Seattle Dating App, Offers Easier Ghosting
A new app exclusively serving the Seattle metro area has swept through the local dating scene by implementing what users say are more ways...
Romantic: Couple Watching Discovery Park Sunset Successfully Ignores Smell of Raw Sewage
With a brilliant sunset in the works, 27-year-old Xavier Wilson declared nothing--nay, not even endless wafts of day-old human feces--could spoil his Friday evening...
Bike-Share Rider Infestation Threatens Skater Boy Ecosystem
After thriving within Seattle city limits for the last two decades as one of its most beloved and recognizable native species, the common skater...
REPORT: Literally Everything In Fremont Boutique Is Sooooooo Cute
Local officials have issued a report confirming that sisters Taylor and Daphne Ward could not even today because literally everything in the Fremont boutique...
Downtown Solicitor Just Needs Someone to Talk To
Pedestrians whizzing by a man hawking SPCA flyers in Downtown Seattle today walked away with a gnawing feeling that the man may have also...
Tinder Date Reeeally High
A promising first date at Kitanda Espresso in Green Lake quickly went south this evening when Gabe Noolan, a Master’s graduate of Stanford’s international...
Christopher Nolan Announces Phoenix Jones Reboot
Though Phoenix Jones’ MIA status over the last month has prompted widespread rumors of his permanent retirement, Batman movie director Christopher Nolan surprised Emerald...
Seattle Couple Experiments with “Maybe Recyclables”
One Seattle couple is putting an end to dumping things that shouldn’t go into the mixed recycling bin — and, most importantly, all of...
Frye Art Museum to Start Paying Customers to Visit
In a revolutionary marketing campaign set to match its revolutionary art exhibits, the Frye Art Museum has just announced it will start paying visitors...
