International District Renamed Everywhere District

Seattle residents are applauding the renaming of the International District, colloquially known as “the ID”, to the more inclusive Everywhere District. “It’s really a big step forward for Seattle,” said Mayor Jenny Durkan as she...

Seattle Thanks Blue Angels’ Smoke Trails for First Overcast Weekend In Ages

Despite the value of the Blue Angels’ annual Seafair Airshow becoming increasingly divisive in Seattle, the entire city came together today to thank the fleet’s impressive smoke trails for giving the area its first...

911 Called for Jazz Alley Musician Struggling to Get Out of Solo

What began as a routine night of music at Dimitriou’s Jazz Alley today escalated into a medical emergency when Sonny “Fatso” Jones, saxophonist of the Clayton Powell Trio, found himself trapped in an extended...

First Capitol Hill Resident in History Visits Friend in Other Neighborhood

Today a brave adventurer became the first Capitol Hill resident in history to ever visit a friend in another neighborhood. “We’ve been preparing Joey for this day for years, and I’m so proud that after...

El Corazón to Host Tiny Stall Bathroom Concerts

In an effort to highlight Seattle’s up-and-coming punk bands, local venue El Corazón has announced their own spin on NPR’s Tiny Desk concert series, with a series of Tiny Stall Bathroom Concerts. “Ladies and...

New Amazon Alex Talks Over You at Meetings

Amazon announced today that it has equipped its Echo devices with Alexa’s first male-voiced counterpart, Alex, which comes with the added functionality of talking over you at meetings and repackaging your ideas as its own. The tech...

Woodland Park Zoo Publicly Apologizes for Inviting Ozzy Osbourne to Perform at ZooTunes

Woodland Park Zoo has issued an apology today after heavy metal pioneer Ozzy Osbourne was caught trying to eat several bats housed in the nocturnal exhibit during his performance at the ZooTunes concert series. “We...

‘Seattle Weather Really Not That Bad,’ Says Man Who Moved Here 4 Weeks Ago

Contrary to previous speculation, Seattle weather is surprisingly quite pleasant, reports newly minted Seattle meteorological expert Scott Caprelli, who moved to town from LA exactly four weeks ago. “This whole Seattle-is-so-rainy-misty-moody thing is sooo overblown,” said...

Sammamish River Trail Bicyclist Just In It for the Ring-a-Ding-Ding

After several consecutive days of overzealous bike-bell ringing at strangers walking along the Sammamish River Trail, Redmond bicyclist Dean Higgins admitted that his avid bicycling is “all about that ring-a-ding-ding, baby.” “Who needs a $5,000...

Home Gardening Virtuoso Successfully Turns $800 into a Side Salad

As Seattle's home gardeners begin their fall harvest this month, today one mistro of the local homegrown produce scene impressed his family and friends after successfully turning $800 into a side salad. “They said it...