Tonight at 8: Seattleites to Open Windows, Bellow Guttural Noise from Depths of Troubled Souls
To celebrate reaching peak levels of the existential dread Seattle has long been famous for, thousands of the city’s residents are expected to open...
Man Wearing Mask for First Time Learning Alarming Truths About Own Breath
As the nation continues to adjust to the new realities of life during the COVID-19 pandemic, many first-time mask wearers are learning alarming truths...
Spring Cleaning Put Off Until Next World-Halting Pandemic
The build-up to a local man’s much-anticipated goal of spring cleaning his home climaxed today with the sobering realization that there now isn’t enough...
Local Couple Expecting First Dog
After several months of keeping their secret to themselves, Julia and Connor Seblisky of Crown Hill have announced on Pinterest-inspired stationary that they are...
New WebMD Party App Lets You Misdiagnose with Friends
In the spirit of social unity during the coronavirus pandemic, popular panic-inducing medical site WebMD has announced the launch of the new WebMD Party...
Officer Teddy Recalled Due to Choking Hazard
After a string of violent incidents against unarmed consumers, popular plush toy Officer Teddy has been recalled due to the extreme choking hazard he...
Seattle Punk Band Livestream to Include Sign Language Guy
Local punk band T.S.O.S (True Sounds of Seattle) announced today that all future livestream performances will include a sign language translator.
“It’s more important than...
Local Couple Now Speaks Entirely in Gibberish Following Prolonged Quarantine with Baby, Pet Dog
The prolonged quarantine has reportedly taken its toll on local Green Lake couple Tom and Megan Kinsdale as their constant isolation with only their...
Sammamish River Trail Bicyclist Just In It for the Ring-a-Ding-Ding
After several consecutive days of overzealous bike-bell ringing at strangers walking along the Sammamish River Trail, Redmond bicyclist Dean Higgins admitted that his avid...
Child’s Hand-Me-Down Clearly Dog Sweater
A local couple is under fire today after posting an Instagram photo of their infant son, Blake, wearing a novelty “Mama’s Lil Furbaby” sweater...
