Axe Throwing Bar with Liquor License Honestly Expected at Least One Maiming by Now
Though overjoyed that the Washington state legislature recently finally allowed all axe-throwing bars to apply for liquor licenses, the owner of Capitol Hill’s Blade and Timber says he’s honestly kind of astonished to report...
Macklemore’s Designer Clothing Shop Turns Away Customer with Only $20 In His Pocket
Today the brick-and-mortar location of Macklemore’s designer golfing clothes brand at University Village, Bogey Boys, threw out a man who allegedly popped all of their tags despite having only $20 in his pocket.
“He was...
Neighbor Apparently Pretty Jazzed About 5th, 6th and 7th of July Too
Demonstrating a zest for life and/or explosions unbeknownst to most humans—many of whom could hardly even muster enough enthusiasm for the Fourth of July this year—a local neighbor of yours seems to somehow reportedly...
MOHAI Denies Kim Kardashian’s Request to Wear J.P. Patches’ Jacket
Following Kim Kardashian’s controversial wearing of Marilyn Monroe’s gown for the Met Gala in May, Seattle’s Museum of History & Industry (MOHAI) confirmed today that they had denied a request from the star to...
Seattle Freeze? This Woman Got All Weird After I Asked to Pet Her Baby
Before I moved to Seattle, everyone warned me about three things: bad weather, worse traffic, and the Seattle Freeze. As a parent, I heard it would be hard to make friends here, but how...
Google Scientist Convinced AI Sentient After It Says Original Starbucks Is Overrated
A Google scientist sounded the alarms that the tech giant’s LaMDA artificial intelligence had become sentient this week after the AI proclaimed it deeply felt that the Original Starbucks in Pike Place Market was...
Improv Team Relieved There’s New Variant to Blame for Low Show Attendance
Initially worried people simply didn’t want to watch a 25-minute, long-form improv set at 7 p.m. on a Tuesday, local improv team Lisa Frank’s Rejected Stickers was thrilled to hear a new Covid variant...
Broadmoor Golf Club Warns Equal Property Tax Would Raise Membership Dues from $300,000 to Staggering $301,000
Upon hearing rumors of a proposal that would end publicly subsidized property taxes for private golf clubs, members of Seattle’s Broadmoor Golf Club panicked at the thought of annual dues skyrocketing from $300,000 to...
In Celebration of Pride Month, Amazon Acquires LGBTQI+ Community
Laying to rest all doubts of their authentic commitment to and celebration of Pride Month, corporate tech giant Amazon announced today it’s making its unquestionable allyship permanent by acquiring the entire LGBTQI+ community.
"The LGBTQI+...
Uber Introduces ‘UberTrunk’ for Riders Desperate to Avoid Human Contact
Uber Black. Uber Pool. The ill-advised Uber Lap. The popular ride sharing service has tested the waters with numerous configurations, but the company has finally caved to the overwhelming demands of consumers and devised...
