Tickets Selling Out Quickly for Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam
Event organizers for what in recent years has become Seattle’s hottest ticket say spectator spots for the annual Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam are...
Howard Schultz Orders Alderaan Starbucks Be Destroyed to Squash Red Cup Rebellion
As the Red Cup Rebellion continues to gain momentum across the galaxy, Howard “Darth” Schultz has reportedly ordered the Death Starbucks to destroy the...
Dispensary Worker Wearing Polo Really Throwing Everyone Off
In what many marijuana users described as “unsettling,” “demons play,” and “probably a trap,” Ballard budtender Chester Hedgerow has recently been causing a stir...
Dave Chappelle, Elon Musk Refuse to Use They/Them Pronouns for Trans-Siberian Orchestra
After getting booed for 10 minutes straight at a San Francisco show earlier this week, brave free-speech activists Dave Chappelle and Elon Musk found...
Ugh: Neighbor’s Fucking Saturnalia Decorations Already Up
In what feels like a tradition that arrives earlier and earlier
each year, seasonal Saturnalia decorations have already begun to spring up all
over Seattle.
“Look, I...
Family Flees Airbnb After Ghost Writes Bloody List of Chores on Wall
One local family fled for their lives this weekend after a ghost haunting their Airbnb scrawled a bloody list of household chores they were...
Man Dressed as Gandalf in Bikini Grossly Misunderstands ‘Sexy Fantasy’ Theme at Halloween Party
Standing out amongst a sea of scantily clad nurses and pizza deliverymen, one man allegedly gruesomely misunderstood the “sexy fantasy” theme at a local...
Seattle Haunted House Terrifies Locals by Forcing Them to Interact with Strangers
Local Halloween aficionados all seem to agree that this year the most terrifying haunted house in Seattle is hands-down Georgetown’s Merry Manor, where strangers...
Man Clearly Trying to Shazam Song at Funeral
After being given the benefit of the doubt for a full minute that he just had T-Mobile or something, a group of mourners realized...
Massive Workplace Morale Issue Magically Solved with Starbucks Gift Cards
Senior management at local company InnoPixel are celebrating this week after solving a consistent pattern of dissatisfaction among their employees by distributing $5 Starbucks...
