Hiker Who Completed AllTrails Review for Rattlesnake Ledge Ready to Summit Everest
Local hiker and realistic expectation setter Jason Peters announced that, after completing a written AllTrails review for Rattlesnake Ledge today, he is now officially ready to embark on his ascent of Mount Everest.
“Summiting 1,160...
Family Not Sure What to Do with Other Trees in Costco Christmas 6-Pack
After getting a great Christmas tree deal at Costco and decorating one at home today, one local family admitted they were struggling with what to do with the other five trees that came in...
Man Trapped Inside Flaming Tesla Clearly Pathetic Attempt to Get Elon Musk’s Attention
Experts are confirming that a man who was trapped inside his flaming Tesla today after an alleged self-driving malfunction was clearly just the latest pathetic attempt at trying to get Technoking CEO Elon Musk’s...
Joe Kent, Loren Culp Refuse to Concede Ugly Christmas Sweater Competition
Chaos erupted at an Olympia holiday party tonight when former Washington gubernatorial Republican candidate Loren Culp and recently unsuccessful Republican Washington State Representative candidate Joe Kent both said they refused to concede the event’s...
Holiday Choir Concert Features Record-Breaking Two Hanukkah Songs
A local holiday choir audience was left stunned today when the King County Community Chorus achieved the previously unthinkable milestone of including a record-breaking two whole Hanukkah songs in their December Holiday Concert.
“We heard...
Tickets Selling Out Quickly for Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam
Event organizers for what in recent years has become Seattle’s hottest ticket say spectator spots for the annual Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam are going quickly and expected to sell out by tonight.
“VIP tickets...
Howard Schultz Orders Alderaan Starbucks Be Destroyed to Squash Red Cup Rebellion
As the Red Cup Rebellion continues to gain momentum across the galaxy, Howard “Darth” Schultz has reportedly ordered the Death Starbucks to destroy the flagship location on Alderaan in an attempt to squash the...
Dispensary Worker Wearing Polo Really Throwing Everyone Off
In what many marijuana users described as “unsettling,” “demons play,” and “probably a trap,” Ballard budtender Chester Hedgerow has recently been causing a stir in the community by showing up to work wearing khakis...
Dave Chappelle, Elon Musk Refuse to Use They/Them Pronouns for Trans-Siberian Orchestra
After getting booed for 10 minutes straight at a San Francisco show earlier this week, brave free-speech activists Dave Chappelle and Elon Musk found themselves in even more hot water today after refusing to...
Ugh: Neighbor’s Fucking Saturnalia Decorations Already Up
In what feels like a tradition that arrives earlier and earlier
each year, seasonal Saturnalia decorations have already begun to spring up all
over Seattle.
“Look, I love to celebrate the Roman deity Saturn as much as...
