Lake Union Hot Tub Boat Easily Capsizes into Cold Tub Boat
As summer temperatures spike worldwide, today Seattle's Lake Union Hot Tub Boats unveiled a new line of vessels that easily capsize into cold-tub boats.
“We know stewing in a hot tub bubbling with 10 different...
Orca Pod Commandeers Fireworks Boat, Points Pyrotechnic Cannons at Jeff Bezos’ Yacht
Following a series of coordinated attacks on extravagant sailing vessels across the world, today one orca pod escalated their assault on the 1% after commandeering an Independence Day fireworks boat and pointing the pyrotechnic...
Seattle Reggae Festival Books Real-Life Black Man
Proving its genuine commitment and respect to the historical roots of reggae in Black culture, today the Seattle Reggae Festival proudly announced one of the 12 acts they’ve booked for their upcoming weekend-long event...
Seattle Aquarium Touch Tide Pool Begs For Mercy
Years of quiet patience finally ran out today at Seattle Aquarium’s touch tidepool where starfish, anemones, sea cucumbers and many others came together to ask everyone’s grubby paws to, for the love of God...
Cool Thing Somehow Misplaced in Bellevue
Local officials announced today that they are opening a formal investigation into how a thing that is honestly pretty fucking cool ended up somehow obviously getting accidentally misplaced in Bellevue.
“We don’t know who made...
Wunderkind! This 8-year-old Designs Seattle’s Hottest Houses with Microsoft Paint
Bradynn Petersen is just like any other 8-year-old: He does his homework, plays soccer, and his favorite food is pepperoni pizza.
But there’s one thing that sets him apart from others his age: He’s...
Seattle Thanks Blue Angels’ Smoke Trails for First Overcast Weekend In Ages
Despite the value of the Blue Angels’ annual Seafair Airshow becoming increasingly divisive in Seattle, the entire city came together today to thank the fleet’s impressive smoke trails for giving the area its first...
Neighborhood Dads’ Lawn Care Cycles Sync After Father’s Day Fishing Trip
In a testament to how deeply they bonded together on a Father’s Day fishing trip this last weekend, the lawn care cycles of a local group of Beacon Hill neighborhood friends have reportedly synchronized.
“I...
Seattle’s Anti-Homeless Architecture Enters Art Deco Phase
Seattle’s elite are rejoicing today after the installation of new public fixtures with stylized geometric details designed to ward off people have signaled that the city’s hostile anti-homeless architecture is finally entering its Art...
Eastside Woman Thinks Seattle Friends Will Hang Out at Her Place Too
After stocking up her new Newcastle duplex with West Elm finishings for the living room and patio, Jennifer Rawley says she can’t wait for her Seattle friends to come over sometime on the weekend....
