Bill Nye Awarded Medal of Freedom for Discovering What Happens When You Eat Marshmallows Dipped in Nitrogen
For the extraordinary scientific feat of discovering and then showing as many people as possible what happens when you eat marshmallows dipped in liquid...
Trump Pardons Howard Schultz for Moving Supersonics to Oklahoma City
President Trump's pardon spree continued today after he announced that he would formally pardon Howard Schultz for the unforgivable crime of moving the Seattle...
RFK Jr. Debuts New Free School Lunch Program
In his first order of business after the Senate confirmed him as President Donald Trump’s Health Secretary, today RFK Jr. unveiled the nation’s first...
High-Powered New Leaf Blower Moves 6 Whole Wet Leaves a Minute
Just in time for the late fall season’s soggiest and most stubborn damp leaves, an innovative, high-powered new leaf blower that just hit the...
Macramé Barricades Spring Up at Urban Craft Uprising
Radical vendors armed with hot glue guns erected barricades of knotted hemp macramé at Seattle Center today in yet another Urban Craft Uprising.
“We have...
Strait of Juan de Fuca Admits to Experimenting in College
In a new memoir washing ashore this spring, the Strait of Juan de Fuca chronicles its youth and admits to being not quite as...
Leashed Mark Zuckerberg Introduced as Trump’s First Presidential Pet
American history was made today after President Trump introduced a leashed Mark Zuckerberg as his first official presidential pet.
"We always wondered why President Trump...
‘Don’t Worry, I Used to Fly in the Midwest,’ Announces Pilot Moments Before Slowly Sliding Into Parked Planes
As delays at Sea-Tac Airport continue to pile up due to slippery runway conditions, one Midwestern pilot reassured his passengers he was more than...
Green Lake Snowman Absolutely Riddled With Goose Poop
A fanciful frolic through the snow turned messy today after a Green Lake snowman was found to be absolutely riddled with goose poop.
"Oh God,...
3 Ways to Remember Bellevue Still Sucks Even Though They Have Snow Right Now and You Don’t
Even the most confident of Seattleites can sometimes waver in their faith that Bellevue truly and completely sucks at all times in every way,...
