Seattle Man Sells Out to Big Umbrella
In a shocking move that rattled friends and relatives today, Pacific Northwest native and temperate climate shill Rick Frink caved and bought an umbrella.
“My...
SeaTac’s ‘No Parking on Airport Road’ Signs Officially Declared a Must-Stop Attraction
This holiday season, skip Zoolights and head to SeaTac’s airport road, where drivers are dazzling onlookers in a festive display of hazard lights, abrupt...
Uncontacted Tribe of Mall Santas Discovered in Abandoned Pacific Place Mall
The local scientific community is buzzing today following the discovery of an uncontacted tribe of Mall Santas living inside the abandoned Pacific Place Mall.
"It's...
Ha! Local Man Spray Paints Penis On—Oh Shit, That’s a Different EV Brand
Fed up with the excuses people are making for still driving Teslas despite all the shame Elon Musk has brought upon the electric vehicle...
Mayor Harrell Orders Sweeps of Enchantments Campsites
Doubling down on what got him elected in the first place, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell hit his re-election campaign trail with a new...
Shirtless Steve Bannon Wins Ugly Sweater Contest
In a surprising finale to this year's CPAC Holiday Party, a shirtless Steve Bannon took home top honors in the evening's spotlight event, the...
Gingerbread House Day Sparks Discussions Around the Very Real Issue of Gingerfrication
While everyone loves Gingerbread House Day, this year the holiday is sparking conversations about whether it’s too problematic to celebrate due to the very...
Amazon Cuts Out Middle Man, Will Now Steal Your Packages Themselves
Today Amazon announced their commitment to offering a full-service shopping experience, which now includes stealing deliveries right off your porch themselves."Our business model has...
Emaciated Coca-Cola Polar Bears Maul Coke CEO
Tired of decades of habitat loss and starvation, today the beloved Coca-Cola Polar Bears reportedly took matters into their own paws by mauling the...
Bill Nye Awarded Medal of Freedom for Discovering What Happens When You Eat Marshmallows Dipped in Nitrogen
For the extraordinary scientific feat of discovering and then showing as many people as possible what happens when you eat marshmallows dipped in liquid...
