Burien City Council Passes Bill Criminalizing Being in Burien
Today the Burien City Council passed a new ordinance which makes existing within the city limits of Burien a crime."We need to do what's...
King County Apologizes for Acid-Contaminated Water That Caused Zebra and Aurora Borealis Hallucinations
Today King County Public Health formally apologized for the acid-contaminated water supply that caused widespread hallucinations over the last two weeks of an omnipresent...
President Biden Visits Seattle to Fundraise, Beat the Shit Out of Macklemore
President Joe Biden arrived in Seattle Friday afternoon with a busy weekend itinerary that reportedly includes a campaign stop, several fundraisers, and challenging Macklemore...
Monster? This Man Left the Bus Before Even Kissing the Driver Goodbye
King County Metro bus riders were left speechless today after witnessing a man, who some are calling a literal monster, simply exit at his...
Sound Transit Closes UW Station to Protect Public from Exercising, Witnessing Free Speech
Out of an abundance of caution, today Sound Transit suddenly closed its University of Washington Station to ensure the public was safely protected from...
Lincoln Park Wildlife Was Actually Really Looking Forward to Those Pickleball Courts
After a group of West Seattleites recently won their months-long battle to keep Seattle Parks from constructing new pickleball courts in Lincoln Park because...
Pearl Jam Album Played Backwards Contains English Language
While searching for subliminal satanic commands, a young Spokane teenager was surprised to instead find discernible English words when playing Pearl Jam’s Yellow Ledbetter...
Only Uncoupled Sibling on Family Vacation Asked If They Mind Sleeping in Pantry
In a turn of events that surprised no one except himself, local son William Briggs was politely asked by his parents during their annual...
Seattle Gen-Zer Starting to See Why People Want the Sonics to Come Back to Seattle So Bad
After stopping by a Sonic Drive-in for the first time on her way back from TikToking a hike, 19-year-old Seattle Gen-Zer Hannah Larson said...
North Bend Zebra Just Gonna Lie Low with Sasquatch Until This All Blows Over
After a stressful few days of being chased and mobbed by local paparazzi, today the North Bend Zebra is reportedly lying low in a...
