Homeless Encampment Swept Ahead of North Seattle Walk to End Homelessness 5K
North Seattle philanthropists rejoiced today when they learned police had swept a large homeless encampment just in time for their 9th Annual Walk to...
Childless Woman with Cat Allergies Just Wants to Feel Included in Misogynist Tirades
While J.D. Vance continued insulting childless cat ladies—from billionaire Taylor Swift on down to humble toe-bean counters—as worthless burdens on society who contribute nothing,...
CEOs Concerned Employees Are ‘Quiet Profiting’ Off Their Labor
The business world was set into a panic today after a new report revealed CEOs have found evidence that their employees have begun doing...
Groundbreaking Study Shows Bellevue Getting Better in Every Way Except Still Being Bellevue
As the local economic landscape continues to shift, a new breakthrough study shows Bellevue is giving Seattle a run for its money by getting...
SPS Contracts with IDF to Close All Seattle Schools
After much local controversy about which Seattle public schools the district will need to close for budgetary reasons, today the district announced it will...
U.S. Prison Laborers Still Waiting for Union Army to Show Up and Declare Slavery Over
As the US celebrated Juneteenth—the day Union troops finally arrived in Texas to free black people from slavery—black people still forced to do free...
JD Vance Sued by Ex-Couch for Failing to Pay Ottoman Support
After spending the week denying allegations that he’s had extramarital sexual relations with a couch, today damning legal records confirm he’s not only copulated...
Worn-Out Rick Steves Recommends Indefinite Staycation in Edmonds
After years
of traveling as the eponymous host of Rick Steves’ Europe, the erudite guide
who once encouraged audiences to venture off the beaten path announced...
Touching! How Kevin Spacey Inspired Former SPD Chief to Come Out as Gay Right After Being Accused of Sex Crimes
In the most touching story yet this Pride Month, this week former Seattle Police Chief Adrian Diaz thanked actor Kevin Spacey for helping him...
New Study Shows Mystery Liquid at Bottom of Kayak 90% White Claw and Pee
University of Washington researchers published a landmark study today confirming that the lukewarm, beige slurry that’s been sloshing around at the bottom of your...
