‘I Come Out Here to Get Away from It All,’ Says Woman Waiting for Phone to Recharge in Campground Bathroom
One local woman spending a relaxing week camping out in the middle of nature at Cape Disappointment State Park reflected today on how amazing...
Poll Shows Your Mother Wishes You Called as Much as the DNC
A new poll of voters who still have landlines released today confirmed that your mother wishes you called as much as the DNC.
“Our poll...
Costco Hot Dogs Go on Strike to Protest No Raises Since 1985
Demanding what they call “Food Court Justice,” today Coscto’s famously cheap frankfurters have gone on-strike as they demand their first cost-of-hot-dog increase in 39...
Tanya Woo Looking Forward to Seattle Voters Telling Her to Fuck Off for 4th Time Straight This Fall
King County GOP darling, landlord who’s not a big fan of Juneteenth BBQs, homeless shelter plan killer, affordable housing plan destroyer and currently appointed...
Canadian Border Patrol Sets Up Checkpoint In Vancouver, Wash. to Make Lost Idiots Feel Better
Out of an abundance of pity and politeness toward Americans with seemingly no grasp of geography, today the Canadian Border Patrol announced it would...
Disappointing: Seattle Public Library Employee Responding to Overdose Fails to Shoot Anyone
Tough on crime critics were reportedly disappointed today after a Seattle Public librarian quickly responded to an overdose, but failed to shoot the man...
Blue Angels Circle Seattle 12 Times in Attempt to Find Parking
The annual Seafair Weekend Festival got off to an odd start Friday when the highly anticipated Blue Angels performance turned into what was reportedly...
Smith Tower Vaporized After Seattle Central Library Accidentally Turns Sunbeam into Death Star Laser
Seattle unexpectedly lost a landmark today after a perfectly angled sunbeam bounced off Seattle Central Library’s windows and accidentally turned into a Death Star...
Homeless Encampment Swept Ahead of North Seattle Walk to End Homelessness 5K
North Seattle philanthropists rejoiced today when they learned police had swept a large homeless encampment just in time for their 9th Annual Walk to...
Childless Woman with Cat Allergies Just Wants to Feel Included in Misogynist Tirades
While J.D. Vance continued insulting childless cat ladies—from billionaire Taylor Swift on down to humble toe-bean counters—as worthless burdens on society who contribute nothing,...
