Fair Organizers Assure Public Carnival Rides Not Made by Boeing
After hearing rumors that some people think carnival rides aren’t safe, today ride operators at the Washington State Fair in Puyallup assured the public...
Climate Solution! Starbucks Coffee to Be Roasted by CEO’s Private Jet Engines During His Commute
In a major green win today, new Starbucks CEO Brian Niccol committed to making his 1,000-mile super-commute from Southern California to Seattle headquarters more...
Portrait in Jimmy Carter’s Attic Looking Hella Good
Suspicions triggered every time the public sees current photos of President Jimmy Carter were confirmed today when historians found an old portrait of the...
Dozens Scalded After Mariners ‘Pumpkin Spice Latte from Heaven’ Promo Goes Wrong
Dozens of Mariners fans were reportedly injured today during a Starbucks-sponsored spin on the popular "Hot Dogs from Heaven" promo after a parachute malfunction...
New Dick’s-a-thon Route Just Endless Loop Between Pony and The Cuff
Today organizers of this weekend’s annual Dick’s-a-thon run—benefitting local search and rescue groups and the Washington National Parks Fund—announced a new alternate route that...
Heartwarming: City Officials Spell Out ‘One Seattle’ in Belongings Confiscated from the Homeless
Seattle residents were treated to a heartwarming gesture of civic unity today after city officials spelled the Mayor Bruce Harrell’s slogan "One Seattle" out...
First President to Honor Indigenous Peoples’ Day Treats Self to a Little Genocide
In honor of being the first United States president to comemmorate Indigenous Peoples' Day, today President Joe Biden treated himself to a little genocide.
“I’ve...
Libertarian Friend Finally Admits He’s Just An Asshole
After years of trying to get a confession of douchebaggery out of local Libertarian Chase Dickerson, his liberal friends are reporting today they finally...
SPD Recruitment Test Standards Lowered to Just Coloring Inside the Thin Blue Line
With Seattle Police Department recruitment flagging despite throwing most of the city budget at them, the SPD announced plans to boost enrollment by lowering...
Amazon Promises Warehouse Workers Will Only Endure Inhumane Conditions Until Automation Replaces Them All
As word of dangerous working conditions at Amazon’s warehouses spread across the nation, Amazon CEO Andy Jassy called a rare press conference to formally...
