Boeing Celebrates DB Cooper Day by Removing Plane Doors Mid-flight
Today Boeing commemorated the legendary sky-diving escape of hijacker D.B. Cooper—never to be seen again—on this day Nov. 24, 1971 by festively popping doors...
Washingtonians Look Forward to Final Ski Season
Today Washington residents say they’re absolutely stoked for the state’s final ski season before the entirety of humanity inevitably spirals into the fiery depths...
Man Worried All-Gender Bathroom Not Safe for Women Now That He’s In It
Today one brave, selfless man using an all-gender bathroom for the first time expressed concern for the safety of women now that he was...
Sound Transit Studies Proposal to Create Task Force for Development of Framework for Reducing Bureaucratic Overhead
The Sound Transit Board announced today a new effort to reduce their red tape budget by strongly considering a new whitepaper on the benefits...
RFK Jr. Vows to Ban Fluoride in Water, Add Lead
Today Secretary of Health and Human Services nominee Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced his intention to finally ban fluoride in the nation's water supply...
Archaeological Dig Reveals Roadwork on 520 Underway Since Early Seventeenth Century
Today a local archeological dig revealed that roadwork on 520 dates back to at least the early 17th century.
“Excavation of the upper layers turned...
The Needling Buys KOMO
This morning The Needling acquired local conservative TV news station KOMO to officially become Seattle’s leader in both real fake news and fake real...
We Sat Down with Rep. Matt Gaetz and He Just Kept Asking Us When the Wendy’s Mascot Was Gonna Turn Legal
At The Needling, we pride ourselves on fair and balanced real fake news reporting, and sometimes that means reaching across the aisle for another...
JD Vance Relieved He Won’t Have Access to Oval Office Furniture Until After No Nut November
Incoming Vice President JD Vance quietly expressed his relief today that he wouldn’t suffer the temptation of Oval Office furniture until after No Nut...
City Council Approves Impenetrable Dome Over Downtown for New ‘NOPE Zone’
Following the approval of SODA (Stay Out of Drug Area) and SOAP (Stay Out of Area Prostitution) zones, this week the Seattle City Council...
