The Seattle neighborhood of Magnolia was momentarily on high alert today after a progressive tax that was later revealed to be just a child in a scary Halloween costume was seen on the loose.
“When I saw the progressive tax wandering from multi-million-dollar home to multi-million-dollar home—seemingly casing each house for something to steal like school supplies—I was terrified,” said Magnolia resident Mark Higley. “It was such a relief when the child took off its scary mask at my house to reveal they were just a regular kid attending one of the most poorly funded public-school systems in the country in the one of the most tax-regressive states in the nation. Little guy almost gave me a heart attack when I thought he was really going to take any portion of my million-dollar annual salary to fund something stupid like keeping schoolchildren from going hungry.”
Some Magnolia residents said the costume was way too scary though and wished the child’s parents considered how triggering it could be in a neighborhood full of people already being threatened with paying their fair share of taxes.
“We members of The 1% don’t need more scary reminders that we may not be able to buy a fifth yacht if the Millionaires Tax doesn’t get repealed,” said Kathleen Wright, still shivering and clearly traumatized by the costume. “We already generously hand out 100 Grands every year on Halloween, but some sick freaks seriously want even more from us.”
At press time, Magnolia residents were sent once again running for their lives by a pair of five-year-olds dressed as Robin Hood and an estate tax.
