Just four months after Mayor Katie Wilson kicked off her Socialist reign of terror over Seattle with a Seahawks Super Bowl win, today Mayor Zohran Mamdani sent New York City’s sanity off a cliff with the Knicks’ first NBA Championship win in more than half a century.
“Look at all these poor people losing their minds,” said New York Times Columnist Bret Stephens as he looked down from a high-rise at the crazed masses thronging the streets below. “All because of the Socialist woke mind virus—The Seattle Times Editorial Board warned me this would happen.”
Concerns that Mamdani’s Socialist followers had become militarized despite their hysteric state rose after explosions going off in the sky were heard across the city.
“Socialism and an NBA championship? I don’t recognize this city anymore,” said David Brooks as he barricaded himself in a penthouse panic room before even more terrifying things happen like the Jets ever being good again. “If I don’t make it out of here alive, I hope someone can tell all my other penthouses I love them.”
At press time, LA voters were being warned that they should probably steer clear of supporting Democratic Socialist Nithya Raman for mayor this fall if they want to avoid the stress of riots over another Dodgers World Series win.
