Trump Supporters Alarmed as Airplane Oxygen Mask Suddenly Deploys from Hairpiece
Despite the President’s fervent insistence that he feels better than he did 20 years ago, many of his die-hard supporters at today’s event on the White House South Lawn were reportedly alarmed by an...
Kamala Harris Shows Off Domestic Side with Personal Recipe for Roast Pence
Ahead of Wednesday night’s Vice Presidential debate in Salt Lake City, Utah, career prosecutor and current U.S. Senator of California Kamala Harris proved on social media that she has quite the domestic side too...
QAnon Wins Best Augmented Reality Game of the Year
After spending the year taking the nation by storm, today The Independent Gaming Association announced that QAnon has won Best Augmented Reality Game of the Year.
Developed by users on the website 4chan and inspired...
Ruth Bader Ginsburg Flattered, But Can’t Accept Care Packages with Donated Organs
With the fate of American democracy hanging on the ability of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg to remain healthy, Justice Ginsburg has reportedly returned from her latest hospital stint to a pile of...
Following Campus Attacks, Betsy DeVos Eager to Hear Virus’s Side of the Story
Although recent school and college reopenings immediately resulted in raging COVID-19 outbreaks infecting thousands of students and nearby residents, today U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos encouraged everyone not to rush to judgment about...
Desperate Republican Party Exhumes Ronald Reagan’s Body for RNC
With President Trump’s poll numbers lagging behind and desperation setting into the Republican party, his sons, Eric and Don Jr., have reportedly exhumed the corpse of former President Ronald Reagan to prop him up...
Mississippi Flag to Be Replaced with Crumpled Lynyrd Skynyrd T-Shirt
Following the shocking announcement that Mississippi would finally be retiring its controversial Confederacy-themed state flag, Mississippi Governor Reeves announced today that their new flag would be a crumpled Lynyrd Skynyrd T-Shirt he found in...
Congress Antitrust Hearing Begins With 2-Hour Bezos Testimony on How Printers Work
Virtual proceedings of the historic Congressional Antitrust Hearings were marred by technical difficulties today when Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner spent two hours grilling Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos on how to print key evidence of the...
Betsy DeVos Deploys Child Shield to Save Self From Sneezing Man
U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was shaken today following an incident that forced her to grab a nearby child to shield herself from a sneezing man during a local school press conference.
“Ugh, I...
Single Lucid Moment in 4 Weeks Praised as ‘Very Presidential’
The President took a momentary pause from hooting at the podium like a monkey congratulating itself for pissing on its own balls today to briefly acknowledge the gravity of the unprecedented coronavirus pandemic, sending...
