SR 99 Tunnel Quivering to Be Filled to Capacity
State traffic engineers confirmed Friday that State Route 99 tunnel is almost open for business and just waiting to be filled to capacity. The tunnel has sat empty since a massive, throbbing drill spent...
Crime-fighting Dog, Scrappy Teens Solve Murder of Kurt Cobain
Seattle police say they’ve officially classified Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain’s death as a murder, and the killer is safely behind bars thanks to one tenacious Great Dane and four scrappy teen sleuths. “These kids...
Archie McPhee Shuttered After Police Uncover Rubber Chicken Fighting Ring
Authorities have shut down Archie McPhee after a six-month police investigation found the local plastic tchotchke dealer was actually a front for a rubber chicken fighting ring. In an early morning raid, police SWAT...
Seattle Police Welcome Sleuthing Crime Chimp
In what is either a savvy public relations move or a desperate attempt to fill gaps in a woefully understaffed department, Seattle Police have appointed a specially-trained chimpanzee to the role of detective. “Detective...
Man Avoids Gaze of Real Change Vendor
With the same athleticism that brought his high school football team to the state finals, Chuck “The White Stallion” Winbury cut and dodged his way from his car to the Queen Anne Metropolitan Market’s...
Elon Musk Proposes Giant Bezos Balls Washing Machine
With bloodshot eyes and a handle of whiskey in hand, Elon Musk announced at a morning press conference that he has found another potentially more profitable use for his Tesla electric motors.
“The concept is...
Seattle Rent Refugees Survive Perilous Exile to Shoreline
Surrendering to the rising tide of high rents, one Green Lake couple has made a last-resort decision to pack up their paddle boards and make a six-mile escape to Shoreline.
The couple enjoyed five peaceful...
Man on Bus Talks
Passengers on King County Metro Route 67 were visibly unsettled this afternoon when Ravenna resident Denton Huntley took a seat and immediately began talking to people.
Nearby passengers reportedly became even more engrossed in their...
King County Metro Transit Announces New “C-Line Dion”
Seattle public transit commuters will soon have their hearts go on and on a “uniquely branded pop-culture transportation experience” according to a Thursday morning announcement from King County Metro’s RapidRide program.
“I’m proud to announce...
Prowlers Leave Man’s Car Cleaner Than Before
Dale Wexler of Seattle's Arbor Heights awoke early Saturday to find thieves had rifled through his unlocked car in the night, leaving his 1998 Subaru Outback—usually filled with fast food wrappers and other detritus—...
