Local Family Celebrates Christmas Almost Satisfying as Watching This Year’s Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam
Today local family The Harrisons basked in the glow of a Christmas Day so lovely, cozy and full of holiday cheer that it was...
Gov. Jay Inslee Mandates All Gifts for Bad Children Be Carbon-neutral by 2030
At a press conference in front of Climate Pledge Arena today, Governor Jay Inslee announced that he’s officially mandating Santa replace all coal he’s...
Sound Transit’s Parents Laughing Hysterically After Reading Letter to Santa Asking for Working Escalators
The parents of Sound Transit were overheard howling with merriment tonight as they read the transportation agency’s letter to Santa Claus asking for operational...
Move Over Bezos Balls: Here Comes Andy Jassy’s Glassy Assy
Move over Bezos Balls! CEO Andy Jassy has announced today that the mass Amazon layoffs will soon fund the region's newest vanity project, a...
National Guard Summoned as Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition Enters 5th Day
After an endless volley of Christmas song choruses entered its fifth day at Pike Place Market, today Seattle officials finally called in the National...
Why I Refuse to Use Public Transit Unless It Looks Like the Cute Trolley from Mister Rogers
Look, I’m all for reducing car usage and our carbon footprint by using public transit to help save the environment and slow the advance...
Seattle Native Succumbs to Violent Stab Wounds
Mourners gathered today at a Downtown makeshift memorial to honor the life and legacy of Dr. Walter Jensen, a local ophthalmologist and pillar of...
Mint-Condition Bellevue Sidewalk Tragically Trampled by Local Pedestrian
A sparkling stretch of mint-condition Bellevue concrete was tragically trampled today by an as-of-yet unidentified suspect who allegedly destroyed it by actually walking on...
Local Historian Records Momentous Event for Future Generations
For the tenth year almost in a row, local historian Greg Keith spent New Year’s recording the Space Needle’s fireworks show with his iPhone,...
Seattle Riots After Ticketmaster Immediately Sells Out of All Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam Tickets
Hatred for Ticketmaster reached its highest levels yet today as thousands of avid Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam fans struggled all day to get...
