Bruce Harrell Celebrates Win by Moving to Seattle
After locking up an overwhelming election victory today to become the Emerald City’s next mayor, Bruce Harrell celebrated tonight by moving all the way to Seattle.
“I’m really gonna miss all my major donors here...
Parents Mortified as Kids Turn Elf on the Shelf Into Snitch in the Ditch
A pair of Seattle parents awoke to an alarming scene today when they discovered the festive Elf on the Shelf perched on their fireplace mantle had been reduced to a "Snitch in the Ditch"...
Harrell Hosts City of Seattle Job Fair at Annual Holiday Family Reunion
Today Seattle Mayor-Elect Bruce Harrell announced another set senior appointments for his administration after a successful City of Seattle Job Fair at his annual holiday family reunion at the Meydenbauer Center in Bellevue.
“I’m happy...
2-for-1 Flash Sale Begins on ‘In This House We Believe’ and ‘Recall Sawant’ Yard Signs
Just days after a Seattle special election with only one item on the ballot, a Madrona printshop says they’re already flooded with customers taking advantage of their 2-for-1 flash sale on “In This House...
Jenny Durkan Teases New Public Record Dropping January 6
While the city awaits the results of the Recall Sawant special election, Mayor Jenny Durkan unexpectedly took back the spotlight today by teasing a public record to be released after she’s officially left office...
Broken Light Rail Escalators to Be Renamed the ‘Mitch Hedberg Memorial Temporary Stairs’
Today Sound Transit announced that instead of ever finding a way to make sure escalators at the Capitol Hill Light Rail station work at least half of the time, the transit authority would officially...
PCC Self-Checkouts Unionize as Grocery Workers Local 1101011
Worried they could one day meet the same fate as their unionized human cashier predecessors, self-checkout stands at local grocery co-op PCC announced via binary code the formation of their own official union today,...
Seattle Residents Ask Commuters to ‘Drive Like Your Tesla Parks Here’
Hoping to quell speeding cars racing through residential streets, Seattleites across the city are reportedly replacing their “Drive Like Your Kids Live Here” signs with ones that prompt drivers to imagine their Tesla had...
Overzealous Fishmonger Sends Pike Place Salmon into Orbit
A staple Seattle tourist trap looked more like Cape Canaveral today as one of its coverall-clad employees hurled a fish straight through the roof of Pike Place Market and all the way out of...
NextDoor Creates Certification Program for Identifying Fireworks Versus Gunshots
After years of residential confusion, NextDoor announced today it’s launching an official online certification program to help people with no better way to waste their lives distinguish the difference between the sounds of fireworks...
