Alaska Smooths Over Boeing MAX Blowout by Only Seating People Who Take Their Shoes Off During Flight Near Plug Doors
Following a dramatic incident in which a door flew off a Boeing 737 MAX during flight, Alaska Airlines reassured wary passengers today that they...
Dog-Owning, Mountain-Climbing Brewmaster Realizes He Hates Dogs, Mountains, Beer
In a moment of inconvenient clarity atop Vesper Peak, one local man who has made his entire personality a combination of dogs, mountaineering, and...
Starbucks Adds to Holiday Line with Savory Gravy Frappuccino
Building upon the popularity of its signature Pumpkin Spice Latte, this week Starbucks is hoping to permanently add to its holiday line of seasonal...
Local Mushroom Hunter Mounts Giant Head of Lion’s Mane Over Fireplace
To ensure everyone entering his household from this day forth knows he is at the top of the food chain in these Pacific Northwest...
47,215th Flyover Picture of Mount Rainier Confirms It’s Still There
Unsure of whether the 14,411-foot volcano looming over the Seattle metro area was still there, a team of about 108 Southwest coach passengers took...
Dead Grandma Wishes Family Would Stop Making Her ‘Famous’ Jell-O Salad
Today local dead grandmother Mildred Freemore announced that, after 20 years of floating above the Thanksgiving table, she’s officially had it with her memory...
First Person in History Exits Capitol Hill Station Exactly Where They Intended
After years of arduous exploration, today Seattle resident Nolan Rice became the first person in history to exit the Capitol Hill Light Rail Station...
Tired of Waiting for Dick’s, West Seattle Opens Muff’s
Finally fed up with Dick’s after it recently announced its next new drive-in fast food location would be in Everett, West Seattle proved it...
Dog Waiting for Mealtime Didn’t Sign Up For This Daylight Savings Bullshit
After mealtimes started suddenly being withheld from dogs across the city for what some canines are calling an eternity this weekend, one local pup...
Witch’s Curse Dooms Man to Pick Wrong Line at Dick’s for Eternity
After callously cutting off a local witch and stealing her parking space at the Wallingford Dick’s, one man has reportedly been cursed to choose...
