#SmallBusinessSaturday Hero Eats City’s Entire Supply of Local Burgers, Donuts and Ice Cream
Financially struggling small businesses across the city are hailing Seattle resident Henry Rudolph today as a #SmallBusinessSaturday hero for somehow eating the city’s entire supply of local burgers, donuts and ice cream pints in...
Tucker Carlson Questions Why Dark Meat Needs to Be Served at Thanksgiving
Ahead of the long holiday weekend, today Fox News host Tucker Carlson said on his nationally televised program he just wanted to know why every year more of the liberal elite insist that dark...
Ghost of Jimi Hendrix Also Bummed It Has to Drive to Renton to Visit Grave
Ghost of late guitar legend Jimi Hendrix reluctantly visited his Renton Highlands gravesite under the duress of out-of-town guests today, a Greenwood Memorial Park groundskeeper confirmed.
“Man, whatever you got waiting for you in Renton...
Howard Schultz Crashes Wedding to Stop Marital Union from Being Recognized
Howard Schultz’s anti-union crusade continued today after the interim Starbucks CEO crashed a local wedding to prevent the couple’s marital union from being recognized.
“I had just finished saying ‘we’re gathered here today to celebrate...
Deep-fried Omicron Booster Debuts at Washington State Fair
The surprise hit of this year’s Washington State Fair, adventurous patrons are skipping carnival rides to wait in line for beer-battered, butter-slathered, deep-fried Omicron boosters from Coronafryus.
“Our customers’ vax cards are literally running out...
Man Halfway Through 4th Peanut Butter Milk Stout Not Sure If Pang in Stomach is Regret or Diarrhea
As fall’s arrival kicks off craft beer season, tonight one local man’s ill-advised decision to indulge in a fourth peanut butter milk stout has left him wondering if the sudden pang in his stomach...
Seattle Magazine Designates Ellensburg ‘Best Pee Break in Washington’
Move aside Cle Elum – ain’t nobody got time for number two: According to Seattle Magazine, this year’s top pee break in Washington state is once again none other than Ellensburg.
Flocked by undulating...
Ivar’s Begins Serving Iced Clam Chowder Just in Time for Summer
Local iced lavender lattes became suddenly irrelevant overnight as local seafood chain, Ivar’s, announced their seasonal iced clam chowder drinks are now available just in time for the first day of summer.
“It’s chuggable iced...
Crafty Millennial Just Builds House Out of Avocado Toast
A local cash-strapped millennial stunned neighbors and became an overnight DIY TikTok sensation this week by building the first and likely only home he’ll ever own out of avocado toast.
“I just kept hearing from...
Passengers Banging in Amtrak Bathroom Join New Low Club
Forgoing the classic thrills of the mile high club, one adventurous couple decided to hit a new low today after banging in the bathroom of a moving Amtrak train during their journey from Seattle...
