Officer Teddy Recalled Due to Choking Hazard
After a string of violent incidents against unarmed consumers, popular plush toy Officer Teddy has been recalled due to the extreme choking hazard he presents to children, parents, and generally anyone that wanders into...
Seattle Punk Band Livestream to Include Sign Language Guy
Local punk band T.S.O.S (True Sounds of Seattle) announced today that all future livestream performances will include a sign language translator.
“It’s more important than ever that our ear-splitting hardcore punk music reaches the widest...
Local Couple Now Speaks Entirely in Gibberish Following Prolonged Quarantine with Baby, Pet Dog
The prolonged quarantine has reportedly taken its toll on local Green Lake couple Tom and Megan Kinsdale as their constant isolation with only their dog and infant son has rendered them incapable of communicating...
Sammamish River Trail Bicyclist Just In It for the Ring-a-Ding-Ding
After several consecutive days of overzealous bike-bell ringing at strangers walking along the Sammamish River Trail, Redmond bicyclist Dean Higgins admitted that his avid bicycling is “all about that ring-a-ding-ding, baby.”
“Who needs a $5,000...
Child’s Hand-Me-Down Clearly Dog Sweater
A local couple is under fire today after posting an Instagram photo of their infant son, Blake, wearing a novelty “Mama’s Lil Furbaby” sweater that clearly used to belong to the family’s GoldenDoodle, Scout.
“You...
Costco’s Kirkland Signature to Launch New Collection at Bellevue Mall Fashion Show
Local fashionistas, rejoice: This fall’s bold, cutting-edge Bellevue Mall Fashion Show will be headlined by none other than the launch of Costco’s New Kirkland Signature Collection.
“I don’t want to give too much away, but...
Local Mom to Cure Homelessness Epidemic with Essential Oils
After her recent visit to the Home and Garden Show, Bothell mom Beverly Carlisle has “just the thing” for the rash of homelessness plaguing Seattle.
“I realized that there just isn’t enough affordable housing
in this...
Zoom Orgy Just Not the Same
While strict social distancing orders have put a damper on the nation’s Caligulan fuck parties, many of Seattle’s most ardent orgy enthusiasts have turned to the popular Zoom app to satisfy their lascivious desires...
Wenatchee Man Not Wearing Flannel Ironically Enough
Reports are pouring in that a Wenatchee man chopping his own firewood after a long day of hard work in the yard is not wearing his sturdy buffalo plaid flannel shirt ironically enough.
“The images...
Seattle Mullet Association Inducts 5,000 New Members
Cheers and whoops erupted during this month’s virtual meeting of the Seattle Mullet Association as 5,000 new dues-paying members were inducted into the famed society.
“Whether you have been with us since the beginning when...
