Tinder Date Reeeally High
A promising first date at Kitanda Espresso in Green Lake quickly went south this evening when Gabe Noolan, a Master’s graduate of Stanford’s international policy program currently between jobs, showed up too high to...
Seattle Couple Experiments with “Maybe Recyclables”
One Seattle couple is putting an end to dumping things that shouldn’t go into the mixed recycling bin — and, most importantly, all of the critical thought involved — with their revolutionary implementation...
Hero! Man Thaws Seattle Freeze by Talking to Every Attractive Woman on Bus
You might’ve heard of the Seattle Freeze: the stereotype that Seattleites are notoriously hard to make friends with. But one local hero is doing his part to thaw Seattle out! Every day during his...
Seattle Officials Continue to Insist “West Edge” is a Real Neighborhood
Head of the Downtown Seattle Association, Garett Brooks, held a press conference this afternoon to remind everyone that West Edge is a “real neighborhood” and “not an elaborate joke perpetrated by the city.”
“Look, it’s...
Man’s Faith in Imminent Rise of Atheism Shaken After Visit to Bellevue
Friends of a Seattle atheist report he has been rendered virtually catatonic after accidentally witnessing the popularity of church-going during a recent visit to Bellevue.
Roommates of 32-year-old Rich Gawkins say he’s been couch-bound in...
International District Renamed Everywhere District
Seattle residents are applauding the renaming of the International District, colloquially known as “the ID”, to the more inclusive Everywhere District.
“It’s really a big step forward for Seattle,” said Mayor Jenny Durkan as she...
Local Hipster Starts New Seattle Arts Magazine, Realizes She Doesn’t Have The Right Haircut
Local hipster Sarah E. Miller was dead-set on starting a new kind of Seattle arts magazine when she realized, to her horror, that she did not have the right haircut and should therefore not...
“Seattle Squeeze? Yes, Please!” Jokes Divorcee Desperate For Warmth Of Human Touch
The closure of the Alaskan Way Viaduct has strained traffic around the region for weeks, causing tempers to flare for many – but not for Seattle divorcee Brent Buttinger.
“Seattle Squeeze? Yes, please! We can...
Nextdoor Reveals Fill-in-the-Blank Template for Suspicious Neighborhood Activity Posts
Title
Time
Dark Color
Street Name in an Affluent White Neighborhood
Part of House
Luxury Car Brand
Local Shopping Area
Article of Clothing
Adjective
Exclamation
Dark Color from Above
Profession Which Includes Use...
Woman Swears Brunch Outfit is Not Pajamas
A Pioneer Square woman’s Sunday plans to enjoy a relaxing brunch at London Plane with a friend visiting from Paris were dashed by repeated accusations that she was publicly dining in pajamas.
“Leggings and an...
