Man Picking Nose In Background of 70,000 UW Cherry Blossom Photos
This week one local man who failed to discreetly pick his nose wound up in the backgrounds of at least 70,000 photos of this year’s cherry blossom bloom at the University of Washington.
“I only...
Depressed Californian Moves Up to Seattle for More Sun
Tired by a constant barrage of one rainstorm after another this winter and even early spring, today Californian Katie Berry moved up to Seattle to get some more sun.
“You know, at some point the...
6’5 Guy Not Such Hot Shit Now That He’s Blocking Everyone’s View at The Showbox
One local 6’5 guy has gone from dating-app darling to most hated man at The Showbox and perhaps beyond today after parking himself in the front row and blocking the view of hundreds of...
Tractor Tavern Changes Name to ‘That Beard Band Place’
Beloved Ballard music venue Tractor Tavern announced suddenly
today that, due to popular involuntary rebrand, it’s officially changed its
name to ‘That Beard Band Place.’
“There’s so few native Ballard and Seattle residents left, more people know...
SAM Announces SAAAM: Seattle All Appropriated Art Museum
Following the success of the Seattle Art Museum (SAM) and the Seattle Asian Art Museum (SAAM), today administrators were excited to announce the upcoming opening of SAAAM: the Seattle All Appropriated Art Museum.
“SAAAM will...
State Parks Stages Intervention After New Smokey Bear Poster Warns ‘Only You Can Get Me Some More Cocaine’
Today Washington State Parks in collaboration with the Department of Natural Resources announced they had to stage an intervention for beloved fire prevention spokesman Smokey Bear after multiple sightings of his new poster warning...
Frigid Seattle Weather Forces Mardi Gras Partiers to Only Flash Arc’teryx Base Layers
Fat Tuesday’s cold February weather forced dozens of Seattle Mardi Gras revelers to settle for only flashing their Arc-teryx mid and base layers at each other.
“It’s like 35 degrees out, you think I’m actually...
West Seattle Woman Too Goth to Even Work At Luna Park Café
According to shocked local witnesses, yesterday Morticia Wormwood was turned away from a job interview at West Seattle’s famous 50’s diner, Luna Park Café, despite her clear devotion to the goth lifestyle.
“She lives here,...
Seattle ‘Love Is Blind’ Singles Instantly Fall in Love Over Shared Passion for Avoiding Eye Contact
A teaser trailer out today for this season’s Seattle-based “Love Is Blind” dating reality show reveals this may be the series’ most successful yet as every Single on the show instantly fell in love...
Millennial Blocked from Entering Neumos by Horde of Feral Gen Z Dancers
Capitol Hill millennial Sandy Miller was allegedly denied entry into a Neumos Emo-Nite show tonight by what many say they can only describe as a feral mass of Gen Z dancers.
“I was about to...
