Mariners Opening Day to Feature ‘Hot Dogs From Hell’ Cannon Fired Directly Into Fan’s Faces
The Seattle Mariners announced plans today to follow up on their popular Hot Dogs from Heaven promotion with a new Hot Dogs from Hell...
Mayor Harrell Debated Sweeps with Advisors in AOL Group Chat Accidentally Shared with City Reporter Hannah Krieg
In an absurd and inexplicable turn of events, today local city government watchdog journalist Hannah Krieg said Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell accidentally included her...
Canada Makes Washington 11th Province
In response to multiple threats by the United States to turn Canada into the 51st state, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney surprised Canadians and...
Parks Dept. Says Cybertruck Fires Must Be Put Out By 10 p.m.
After a few late-night gatherings got rowdy recently, today Seattle Parks instituted a new rule that everyone must put out their Cybertruck fires by...
No One Knows If Capitol Hill Block Party Lineup Good Except This Chick We Didn’t Feel Cool Enough to Ask
Sources are confirming there’s only one person who knows if the Capitol Hill Block Party lineup that dropped today is any good and, unfortunately...
Walla Walla: Come for the Wine, Stay Because You’re in Prison
Today the tourism board for the “town so nice they named it twice” officially changed its city slogan to “Walla Walla: Come for the...
Tragedy Strikes After RFK Jr. Vaccinated By Lone Doctor on Grassy Knoll
Tragedy struck today after Health Secretary Robert Kennedy Jr. was reportedly vaccinated by a lone doctor wielding a long-range syringe from a nearby grassy...
Raccoon Mortified to Learn He Took Date to Rummage Through Cybertruck Instead of Dumpster
A local raccoon was reportedly mortified today after realizing he accidentally took his Foragr date to rummage through a Cybertruck instead of a dumpster.
"I...
Local WhatsApp Group Alerts You Whenever Everybody in City Saw the Orcas Except You
Word is spreading that there is a nifty, new WhatsApp Group that sends detailed notifications whenever everybody else in Seattle saw the orcas swim...
Gov. Ferguson Breaks Out the Shades for Beautiful Day of Taking Chainsaw to State Budget
Eager to take advantage of the unseasonably warm and sunny weather, today Governor Bob Ferguson broke out the shades and chainsaw to hack the...
