Although many are touting the benefits of Washington state’s new Millionaires Tax that will better fund public education, one local tech magnate says not enough people are talking about how the tax means people like him will only be able to afford one of Seattle’s new waterfront condos built specifically to house luxury cars.
“I can hardly bear to break the news to my Aston Martin that I won’t have enough money for it to snowbird at a car condo in Florida because some selfish children want to not only go to good public schools with teachers who can afford more than a studio apartment, but even attend them while not hungry,” said Microsoft VP of Art and Data Theft Tanner Hansen. “Buying a condo specifically for your car—especially one that demands nothing less than a luxury waterfront view—isn’t cheap. Because of this new tax, I think I’ll only be able to buy my Aston one $600,000 condo.”
As local business tycoons gathered with golden shovels to break ground on the new Terminal One “dockomineum” near the Ballard Locks recently, another future car condo owner assured the journalists barely affording rent for a one-bedroom apartment that they should still be be very afraid of Millionaire Tax flight.
“Trust me: When all these millionaires and billionaires who never paid their fair share of taxes in this state continue to do not pay their fair share of taxes in a worse state to live in by nearly every metric, you’re the ones that are going to be sorry,” said Amazon VP of Burning What’s Left of the Amazon Chad Skaggs. “We’re only buying these waterfront condos for our cars because we know how much our collectible Rolls Royces want to stay to watch salmon runs and sunsets over the Olympics.”
At press time, local magnates were also concerned that one day their budgets will be so tight they may also tragically have to choose between buying a fleet of superyachts or a sports team instead of having both.
