After years of everyone being confused about why it was in the United States culminated in several ICE agents threatening them if they dared to stay in the United States, today the entire city of Vancouver, Wash. gladly and voluntarily self-deported to Vancouver, Canada.
“Hey, it was cool to be next to Portland for so long, but let’s get real – the bridge to it is never getting replaced and the current one’s gonna crumble to the Colmbia River any day now,” said Vancouver, Wash. resident Patty Kreeger as she loaded up a U-Haul. “Time to be above another border in a place that knows how to actually build bridges and public transit before I die—which admittedly takes longer after you can actually afford healthcare you actually get to use.”
ICE agents stood by to make sure every resident with an ID that said they live in Vancouver vacated the area with all their belongings in tow.
“Tired of these Canadians pretending they live here – this area is clearly either North Portland or South Ridgefield, not Vancouver,” said ICE Agent Percy Littleton. “They don’t even have a shitty, knockoff Space Needle or Timmies here—not that I’ve ever been to that socialist city or country, I would never! Please don’t tell anyone it sounds like I’ve been to Canada or I’ll get fired and accused of being undercover gay Antifa!”
At press time, Vancouver, BC had officially accepted Vancouver, Wash. residents on asylum because it was also tired of there being another Vancouver in the Pacific Northwest.
