In a completely tragic accident, today a drone using AI to target and take down the nation’s greatest security threat has mistakenly blown up the White House.
“We have no idea what got the drone to misfire at the wrong target after being explicitly directed to locate and eliminate what its AI program determined is the greatest terrorist threat to the country,” said Secretary of War Pete Hegseth who by some miracle was safely passed out in an Adams Morgan gutter when the blast occurred. “Perhaps sometime in the last 24 hours the AI was infected with some kind of woke computer virus because until today it had only struck legitimate targets, like girls’ schools in Iran or any kind of school in Gaza.”
Despite some domestic dismay, the overwhelming global reaction appears to be relief.
“When the Americans said the war was about regime change, we didn’t realize they meant themselves,” said Canadian ambassador to the U.S. Mark Wiseman. “Obviously, it’s sad but we have to get over it.”
At press time, a mourning President JD Vance was being flown to Camp David after exiting Erika Kirk’s residence down a tastefully pyrotechnics-lit walkway.
