After making its first picturesque and historic voyage across Lake Washington in a midnight light rail test last week, today Sound Transit confirmed that would also be the last time anyone ever sees that train coming or going from the Eastside that late.
“Yep, last time Bellevue or Mercer Island is letting that shit happen,” said Sound Transit spokesman Deuce Grey. “I know it looks like a sexy party bus as its lights glitter across Lake Washington, but we’ll be lucky if once the line fully opens it runs past 6 p.m. supper or even more miraculously until 8 p.m. curfew. It’s just as well—dancing and rock ‘n roll is still illegal over there anyways.”
Asked if that could ever change that so the whole area could have a richer nightlife scene with more safe and affordable options for people to get home after drinking, Sound Transit was doubtful.
“Look, would it provide economic benefit to countless people in both Seattle and the Eastside to have the train run as late as the 1 Line does? Sure,” Grey said. “What’s most important at any cost, though, is assuring the richest people who would never be caught dead on this thing that as few tax dollars are used to serve the general public as possible.”
Asked if at least the 1 Line’s midnight light rail trips from SeaTac Airport will ever run farther than Beacon Hill, Sound Transit confirmed that everyone who lives north of that station can go fuck themselves with an Uber ride as expensive as the flight they were just on for the foreseeable future.
Photo: Bruce Englehardt
