President Joe Biden arrived in Seattle Friday afternoon with a busy weekend itinerary that reportedly includes a campaign stop, several fundraisers, and challenging Macklemore to a fistfight in retaliation for his Palestine liberation protest song “Hind’s Hall.”
“Macklemore! You’re making me look bad in front of my Israeli Defense Force friends—get out here you little shit!” said a shirtless Joe Biden, calling out Macklemore during a planned campaign stop at the University Village Bogey Boys location. “You think I wouldn’t hear that diss track about the blood on my hands in Palestine? Come out and write me a nice song about how I’m secretly super upset with Netanyahu behind the scenes, or I’m gonna take you out back behind your little thrift shop and show you what a cold-ass honkey really looks like!”
While Biden continued to lace up his old-timey leather boxing gloves, stunned onlookers watched the display.
“I never thought these exact words would come out of my mouth, but I think I gotta side with Macklemore on his rap beef with the sitting President of the United States,” said Colin Foster, stepping out of Chipotle to film the incident on his phone. “Anti-war student protests have a pretty sterling historical track record, but I’m sure that violent crackdowns on these particular student protests will land you on the right side of history this time, right? But I get it, with all the crippling student loan debt I’m sure that students aren’t able to cut the big donation checks that the weapons manufacturers and military contractors can.”
After being unable to fight Macklemore, Biden planned to release his own diss track “Can’t Hold Us Accountable.”
