Hoping they hadn’t missed the train on taking advantage of Boeing’s recent safety failures and subsequent loss of consumer trust in commercial air travel, today Amtrak launched a new ad campaign reminding people that when their trains crash, they’re at least already on the ground.
“While there may have been sharp declines in the safety of both air and rail travel in recent years due to the simultaneous corporate nickel-and-diming of the nation’s labor unions, public infrastructure, and business manufacturing processes, only one of them grants you a shot in hell of surviving should the worst happen,” the Amtrak’s new TV ad says. “That’s the one where you stay on the ground. Amtrak: We’re already on the ground.”
Amtrak said it was miracle that moments in their history that were once public relations disasters—like their 2017 train derailment in DuPont, Wash.—are now major selling points for the company.
“Even when our trains aren’t always on the ground because they’re literally flying off the rails straight onto Interstate 5, only a few people die—it’s like a 95% survival rate,” said Amtrak spokesman Alma Strich-White. “While you’re probably a total goner if you’re in the next Boeing jet that kills more than 150 people at once, you can always imagine that no matter what hits an Amtrak train—mudslides, poorly maintained tracks, or a conductor with severe porn addiction—chances are high there’s some last-action-hero way for you to survive it. Stay grounded no matter what hits you with Amtrak.”
At press time, Amtrak’s ad campaign was reportedly so successful that record numbers of travelers were already seriously considering for the first time in their lives choosing to spend three sleepless days and nights in a stinky tin can over taking one five-hour flight.
