Ahead of the new northside stations opening this summer, today Sound Transit announced that it has upgraded its escalators with a supercharger that will launch commuters on an express route from Northgate to Angle Lake.
“You guys were always upset that the escalators were broken so … you’re welcome?” said Sound Transit spokesperson Brian Dawson, watching a commuter rocket into the sky. “We don’t completely understand how the escalators became supercharged—we think maybe one of our maintenance guys spilled some cold brew into the motor. But what we do know is that it launches you 24 miles and deposits you safely into the waters of Angle Lake in just under two minutes. You might be a little soggy while checking into your flight at SeaTac Airport, but it still beats waiting in traffic for an hour in a $150 Uber.”
While the city was busy installing crash pads at stations that weren’t near a body of water, regular commuters were still skeptical.
“Oh, sure it sounds great now, but what happens when the supercharger inevitably breaks and the escalator launches me too far and I end up in Tacoma? Then I’m sure they’ll be catapulting us back to Seattle on shuttle buses during rush hour,” said daily light rail commuter Isaiah Smith. “Maybe I’ll be on board when they finally announce a supercharged escalator transfer to the new east side line, but until then I still gotta use Lime Trebuchet to get over there.”
At press time, the Washington State Department of Transportation was exploring a regional expansion of the supercharged escalators across the state as a safer alternative to flying on a Boeing plane.
