Excitement for Washington state’s first In-N-Out location near Vancouver was deflated today after the Ridgefield City Planner realized the unfortunately suggestive layout of the new strip mall it would be going into.
“The nearby homeowners’ associations are not gonna like this one bit,” said City Planner Rex Sturgill, looking over the mockup of the provocative new business plaza. “I could see if we could shuffle them around, but the last thing we want is to get any of them too close to that ‘Pho King’ restaurant.”
Members of a local church across the street have pushed back on the proposed layout, citing the bad influence such a suggestive strip mall would have on the community.
“This sort of thing might fly with those hippies down there in Portland or those heathens up in Seattle, but there’s no room for this filth here,” said Patrick O’Malley. “I bit my tongue with the Fuddruckers, and the Long John Silvers, and even Arby’s bragging about their meat, but this is too far. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for church and getting on my knees to accept the Lord’s body into my mouth.”
If In-N-Out tries to put another location in Washington closer to Seattle, the California franchise will reportedly face stiff competition from a new partnership between Dick’s and Muff’s.
