A man suspected of stalking his victims at gas stations during road trips through the Beaver State with initially obviously no other intention but to kill was today revealed once again as just a gas attendant in Oregon.
“I was all alone on a road trip at night just needing to get some gas and some weird dude I’ve never seen before locked eyes with me from across the station in a way that made me feel afraid to even exit my car,” said Seattle resident Haley Hagar. “He then approached my vehicle, and I was completely sure it was the end of my days. He then got close up and asked me how much I wanted pumped – so we’re obviously talking about some Green River Killer/Ted Bundy-level super-criminal here. Then he asked for a form of payment, so, on top of all this, I’m going to get robbed first? He was even smiling the whole time so, I thought, wow, this man is sick—how the hell am I going to get out of here alive?”
Upon further investigation that lasted about five seconds after a panic attack and handing him a credit card to get him to go away, the man reported countless times by out-of-state visitors as a suspected serial killer was revealed to once again just be a gas attendant.
“Yeah, so Oregon apparently still has those even after they expanded options for self-serve gas fueling for the first time last year,” said Detective Hagar after a quick Google search while the alleged murderer filled her gas tank in the middle of nowhere. “And apparently they really think they’re helping people and not scaring the fucking daylights out of every traveler that forgets about this quirky thing about Oregon every time they drive through their state.”
Although the Oregon gas attendant has been released of charges for now, Hagar confessed she still suspects she may have just gotten lucky after finding no less than five True Crime podcasts to listen to on the drive back to Seattle about the same suspicious gas attendant.
