After callously cutting off a local witch and stealing her parking space at the Wallingford Dick’s, one man has reportedly been cursed to choose the longest, slowest moving line at the beloved Seattle institution for all of eternity.
“Special, fries and chocolate shake, these are the treats you’ll now forsake, because you took my parking space, a Dick’s Deluxe you’ll never again taste!” said the Wicked Witch of the Dick’s, looming over a bubbling cauldron of special sauce. “Into the cauldron my ingredients drop, to create a wicked curse you cannot stop! Mariners’ fan tears and quart of pickleballs, Voodoo doughnuts and changing climate, you stole from me and sealed your fate—an eternity in the wrong line at Dick’s you shall forever await!”
Though the man said he doesn’t believe in magic spells and kept faith he’d eventually get his order in, he admits he’s become increasingly desperate as his fast-food gridlock enters its fifth day today.
“I feel like I’m going insane: Every time I get to the front of the line, the window closes and I have to start all over again!” said Tad Thompson, ogling a fry in a nearby pigeon’s mouth. “I got so close a few hours ago, but then a guy standing in front of me started hosting a 50-member family reunion that cut right in front of me. I think we’re down to his last three step-aunts and their kids ordering, so should be me next any hour now. Well, at least when I first got here I quickly got the best parking space, so that saved me some time there.”
Tired of waiting at the Wallingford location, Thompson eventually left looking for better luck at the Dick’s on Capitol Hill.
