Following a chaotic dismantling of the Pac-12 that saw UW and Oregon join the Big Ten, a scrambling WSU administration was shocked to learn today that they had accidentally signed a deal that landed them in the Western Conference of Major League Soccer.
“Everyone was bailing on the Pac-12 so fast, I just panicked and signed the paperwork when I saw ‘football club’ on a couple of the team names,” said WSU President Kirk Schultz, delivering the news to Athletic Director Pat Chun. “It won’t be so bad, right? We have some highly recruited athletes—you guys just need to train them to do the exact opposite of what they’re good at. And look on the bright side, ticket sales will be through the roof when Messi comes to Pullman!”
While the administration was hashing out the new conference realignment, the coaching staff were busy adjusting the players to their new sport.
“It’s been tough: The offensive line is struggling to keep up and the rest of the players aren’t happy about it either—well, except the kicker. He’s strutting around like he owns the place,” said WSU Head Coach Jake Dickert, handing out shin guards to the team. “We had a scrimmage earlier today and the good news is that our guys absolutely obliterated the other team. The bad news is that they were all given red cards because apparently you’re not allowed to tackle the goalie.”
Meanwhile, down in Corvallis, the Oregon State Beavers football team were gearing up for their inaugural season in Major League Pickleball.
