Green Lake-area cats have declared litter box season officially open after the beloved Caribbean restaurant Bongos Cafe opened its giant sand-covered patio for the warm spring weekend ahead.
“Suns up, tails up! All us cats look forward to Bongos’ giant litter box opening day every year—it’s so much more glamorous than that dirty little tray next to the dryer that ungrateful wench Susan makes me poop in,” said neighborhood cat Muffintop, sashaying away from a freshly covered mound. “Nothin’ better than some sunshine, catnip wine, and fresh sand on my behind. And all the coolest cats in Seattle come out for opening day—DK Metcat, Dave Caterwohl, Sue Purred—I’ll probably take off when Meowclemore shows up, though.”
But despite the annual feline pilgrimage to poop in the restaurant’s giant sand-covered patio, Bongos employees insisted that the sand is not for that kind of recreation.
“We put up signs asking cats not to relieve themselves in the sandbox, but you know how cats are—they just knocked over the sign, pooped on it, and buried it,” said Bongos Manager Steve Ricetti. “Don’t worry, we clean the sand every morning, but I don’t know how to get them to stop. I mean, you try shooing away 200 cats in the middle of the night as their glowing eyes stare directly into your soul while they make that cat pooping face.”
Despite the news, Seattle-area millennials shrugged and continued to dine after realizing that it was probably not as bad as whatever was at the bottom of the McDonald’s ball pits in the 90s.
