Friends and family are at a loss today upon discovering that local man Nate Solohan, without much detailed explanation, just really fucking hates Kirkland.
“I mean, I get that the traffic there is slower than my grandma’s constipated bowel movements,” said friend Leia Walker. “But how about that lakeside view at Carillon Point? It’s pretty nice. Why do you hate it so much?”
“I just …,” said an unswayable Solohan. “I just ooooo …”
“Yeah, and their downtown area has some cute spots – pretty good food too!” said cousin Skye Lukewater.
“I don’t know … ,” Solohan said as obvious steam started rising from his body. “It’s just rrrRRRrrrrr.”
“I mean, Coffee and Cone, come on!” Lukewater said.
“AHHHHHHHHHH,” Solohan screamed so loud he ran out of breath before calming down. “I just really fucking with an extra side of fuck-covered fucks hate Kirkland, okay?”
At press time, Solohan confirmed that of course–for reasons he did not have the composure to explain either–also just really motherfucking hates Bellevue, alright?
