Following a catastrophic incident in which a cartoonishly large clock fell onto Westlake Station’s Northbound tunnel and indefinitely disrupted light rail service, today Sound Transit CEO Wile E. Coyote officially stepped down after taking responsibility for the disruptive hijinks.
“I deeply regret my role in this calamity—the roadrunner was mocking me from atop the tunnel, and in a moment of weakness, I ordered the gigantic clock to be dropped on him,” said Wile E. Coyote, silently delivering his address by holding up a series of signs. “I would like to apologize to everyone who was harmed by my reckless mischief. But rest assured that no one was hurt by this incident more than me—especially after the dynamite I was holding exploded and launched me two miles, leaving a coyote-shaped hole in the West Seattle Bridge.”
Soon after the incident, emergency repair crews were summoned to the scene to fix the large bump that quickly rose from the bonk on the northbound tunnel after it was hit.
“Thankfully, we were able to quickly put two giant band aids in an X pattern on the bonk zone, but what’s really slowing progress is all these dang cartoon birds circling the top of the tunnel,” said engineer Bud Bundy, taking a hit from his carrot-flavored vape. “To make matters worse, it appears that one end of the tunnel is just a photo-realistic painting of the exit—we only discovered the illusion when one of our excavators crashed into it at full speed and flattened into a paper-thin pancake before fluttering to the ground.”
In a twist many saw coming, Wile E. Coyote quickly bounced back into action after taking a position as a Washington D.C. lobbyist for the ACME corporation.
