A local man got more than he bargained for today when he was cornered in a QFC parking lot by a relentless pack of Girl Scouts after he attempted to elude them by slipping out a side door without buying any Thin Mints.
“I couldn’t just say no to their smiling faces, so I told a little white lie and said I’d buy some cookies on the way out—big mistake,” said Michael West, recalling his harrowing experience next to a mountain of cookies he purchased out of fear for his life. “Turns out the Girl Scouts have heard that one before because they chased me down and cornered me in the cart return stall. I tried to bargain with them, but they said ‘liars don’t get Samoas’ and made me buy a hundred boxes of those boring shortbread cookies—uh, I mean delectable Trefoils! Thanks again girls!”
With competition fiercer than ever, veteran Girl Scouts training to be the next generation of entrepreneurs have moved on to more modern tactics to meet their cookie quotas.
“Here’s the deal: We can do this the easy way and you walk away with a dozen boxes of delicious Tagalongs to support a wonderful cause—or we can do this the hard way and we start digging up old tweets,” said 7-year old Brooklyn Anderson, menacingly brandishing an iPad. “Oh my, it looks like you tweeted some strong opinions about the casting of Ariel in the Little Mermaid remake so better make that two dozen—nobody messes with my mermaids.”
Across town, a growing enclave of confrontation-averse Seattleites were hiding out in a Whole Foods parking garage hoping to wait out the storm until Girl Scout season ends next week.
