Mariners legend Ichiro Suzuki kicked off his own Hall of Fame Weekend with a bang today after he stunned the sold-out crowd by hitting his own ceremonial first pitch for a leadoff double.
“Well folks, every fan in attendance is on their feet to watch Ichiro throw out the first pitch and—oh my goodness I don’t believe it, Ichiro has sprinted to the batter’s box and managed to hit his own first pitch for a double,” said veteran announcer Rick Rizzs. “Well, I don’t know how to score that one, but let’s hear it for the Mariners’ all-time hit leader—wait just a second, Ichiro has decided to steal home all the way from second and has now thrown himself out at the plate. He’s still got it, folks!”
Following the incredible display of athletic prowess, Ichiro granted The Needling a rare interview.
“Sorry about that, everyone, old habits die hard: Whenever I see a ball in the air, I feel an uncontrollable urge to hit it, no matter what I’m doing at the time,” said newly inducted Mariners Hall of Famer Ichiro Suzuki. “I was almost late to the game today because I drove past a little league practice and spent the next two hours peppering the parking lot with line drives off a platoon of nine-year-old pitchers. Honestly, it doesn’t even need to be a baseball—I’m still banned from Lumen Field for a year after I belted a football into the Hawk’s Nest during a Seahawks game.”
At press time, Mariners skipper Scott Servais was scanning the rulebooks to see if he could bring the veteran right fielder back if the Mariners make the playoffs this year.
