Before I moved to Seattle, everyone warned me about three things: bad weather, worse traffic, and the Seattle Freeze. As a parent, I heard it would be hard to make friends here, but how bad could it be? Well, folks: It’s worse than I imagined, because just yesterday this woman got all weird after I innocently asked to pet her baby.
I didn’t want to believe the haters, but people in Seattle are apparently so unfriendly that they have 911 on speed-dial anytime someone tries to make conversation in the park by asking to touch their baby’s fur or do their nose a boop. Now it’s not like I just started petting this baby unannounced—I’m not some smalltown hillbilly with no manners. First of all, I asked politely. Second, the baby wasn’t muzzled, so I assumed that it was safe to pet. And third, the baby was playing in an off-leash playground, so it’s not my fault if your baby comes up looking for a scratch behind the ears. It’s hard enough to meet people in this city, but now I need an app to know which babies are okay to pet?
Where I come from, it’s considered downright impolite to pass a mother with a stroller and not ask to pet her baby. When my kid was a toddler, we couldn’t go two blocks without stopping for belly rubs from the neighbors. My wife and I were downright flattered, because he is a special little boy, yes he is. But you know what I haven’t heard once since I moved to Seattle? “Hello sir, may I please pet your baby?” Talk about rude—I know at 9 years old my Trevor is a bit of a senior baby and maybe isn’t as cute as some of the infants on the playground, but it’s still nice to be asked.
All I’m saying is, don’t you want to live in a city where you can ask a family if you can offer their baby some loose cheerios you keep in your pocket for such an occasion without judgment? And maybe they’ll reciprocate your kindness by throwing a tennis ball to your large son for ten minutes to keep him occupied while you take a break.
I say, if we’re ever going to come together as a city, we’re going to have to thaw our frigid attitudes and start petting some smol hooman chonks together.
