After smashing the food delivery button for the second time in 12 hours, Maple Leaf’s local restaurant savior Henry Woodbury confessed tonight he just can’t bring himself to cook in the summer to a pair of roommates who have also never seen him cook in fall, winter or spring.
“As much as I want to, it’s just too warm to cook over a stove all summer long, you know? Come fall, I’ll get back into cooking more at home,” said Woodbury, who at no point in the year has been witnessed cooking at home. “If it was winter, I’d be whipping up eggs in two different ways on repeat, but I’d much rather spend the summer wind-surfing once I buy all the gear.”
As he glanced at his phone for where his UberEats order was, Woodbury continued talking about all the fresh ingredients he’ll be buying from farmer’s markets to make healthier meals at home this harvest season.
“As soon as we’re coasting in cooler temperatures, I’m definitely going to stop using apps that don’t guarantee anything close to minimum wage for the people delivering food to me and start cooking from scratch again,” Woodbury said while finally clearing the refrigerator of produce he bought back in April. “I know it looks like all I do is order-in, but this is just a seasonal phase, I swear.”
Woodbury’s roommates speculate that they will inevitably be asked to go in on a Blue Apron subscription together at the end of the month, only to have it be canceled around mid-October due to “a lack of microwavable options.”
