A quiet street in Green Lake experienced an unprecedented moment of unity today after a loud car crash sent residents pouring out of their homes to survey the scene, providing a collective bonding experience that not even a year of the COVID-19 pandemic could produce.
“I heard this enormous crash and looked out of my window to see dozens of random people on the street assessing the accident – it’s the craziest coincidence, apparently every single one of these complete strangers have also been living in this neighborhood for the past year,” said Cody Baldwin, stepping out of the scene to join the crowd of onlookers. “One guy started directing traffic, another checked on the drivers, and some lady brought out water bottles for everyone. I gotta say it was nice to finally have a collective event that could unite our community. I started talking to this guy about the crash and it turns out that he’s not only my next door neighbor, but he also works at the same company as me. We’ve been on two dozen Zoom calls over the past year and didn’t even know it!”
Scientists have long studied the phenomenon, known as Spontaneous Collective Collision Bonding, in which neighbors who have made a conscious effort to distance themselves for years suddenly feel a magnetic pull to form fleeting connections over a local car accident.
“SCCB has been known to manifest itself in a number of ways, ranging from neighborhood elders congregating to lament the loss of the nice neighborhood they once knew, to newer residents offering up the traditional ‘we should grab a beer sometime’ platitudes,” said behavioral researcher Gertrude Schweiss. “These plans will never actually materialize, mind you, but it does appear to be an integral part of the ritual. But one of it’s most interesting features is the spontaneous emergence of amateur forensic investigators diagnosing the conditions and causes of the car accident. Software developers and bartenders alike leap into action, suddenly developing the ability to speculate on the speed at impact, determine the driver at fault, and provide official insurance assessments just by examining an oil slick and a broken side mirror – it’s truly fascinating.”
In response to the groundbreaking discovery of SCCB and its exceptional ability to quickly melt borders and form fellowship bonds between total strangers, The United Nations announced that future peace talks between world leaders will take place at the scene of car accidents.
