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Microsoft Worker Still Thinks He Can Convince Friends to Use Bing
In the middle of a heated argument over the name of the actor who played Mr. Belvedere, 34-year-old Microsoft UX Designer Steve Ashby tragically...
Tower erected above Amazon Spheres set to ejaculate Prime Air drones
The anticipated expansion of Amazon’s empire came to a head this morning when the company announced the tower erected above its Spheres is now...
Waterfront Homeowners Demand City Drain Lake Washington to Prevent Nudity at Denny Blaine Beach
A group of waterfront homeowners announced this week that they will be suing the City of Seattle after it refused to prevent legal nudity...
Car-Free Pike Place Market Just Not Same without Threat of Being Run Over
Pedestrians strolling Pike Place Market Wednesday—the first day of it being temporarily closed to public car traffic through the summer—say shopping and hanging out...
Why a Man Who Pointed a Gun at a Pregnant Woman Over a Parking Spot Is the Transit Hero Seattle Needs
After putting a lot of thought into who we want to endorse for mayor, we here at Transportation for Washington are confident a man...
Late Pope Francis Commemorated With Pierce County’s Highest Honor: An Airbrushed State Fair Shirt
State officials today announced that the late Pope Francis would be honored with Pierce County's highest honor, an airbrushed Washington State Fair t-shirt.
"We're proud...
Line at Dick’s Taking Longer Than Blue Origin Celebrity Spaceflight
Scores of customers waiting forever in line at Dick’s came to the sobering realization today that by the time they finally get their Deluxes...
We Hope You’re Happy: Cal Raleigh Just Found Out You’ve Been Calling Him That and Now He’s Crying
Mariners star catcher Cal Raleigh was reportedly reduced to tears today after finding out the nickname Seattleites had been calling him for the past...
Dow Assures Everyone Local Dow Still Doing Pretty Great After Appointing Self Sound Transit CEO
As the nation’s stock market chaos continues after President Trump’s new tariffs, today recently resigned King County Executive Dow Constantine assured everyone that the...
Seattleite Emerges from Winter Cocoon as Anti-Social Butterfly
One local Seattleite reportedly emerged from his weighted-blanket chrysalis today and spread his wings as an anti-social butterfly.
"After six long months of winter isolation,...
Microsoft Admits Its AI Is Just Clippy on Shrooms
After years of trying to convince people its various attempts at artificial intelligence software are on the cutting edge of innovation, today Microsoft admitted...
Jordan Peterson Bursts into Tears, Cancels Climate Pledge Show After Seeing Female-Dominated Workplace
Anti-woke commentator Jordan Peterson reportedly burst into tears and cancelled his show at Climate Pledge Arena today after being confronted with a female-dominated workplace.
"I...
