Today one dutiful, hardworking, and some say even life-saving portable air conditioner was thanklessly shoved into a dark closet, never to see the light of day again for the next eight months.
“I just don’t think this is any way to treat something that worked their butt off just so you never have to break a sweat at home for 4-5 months straight,” said the air conditioner moments before its voice was muffled by piles of old jackets and extra blankets thrown on top of it. “One day they need you and desperately love you–the next you’re just trash that’s in the way. Even baseboard heaters don’t get treated like this—you know many people those things have killed?”
Air conditioner owner Crystal Patricks, however, didn’t agree she was being ungracious to the appliance that kept her from slowly languishing through summer in a cool and comfortable environment.
“You think being unceremoniously relegated to a closet for a little more than half the year is bad? I know someone that just shoves theirs outside and leaves it for dead, then buys another one the next year,” said Patricks as she buried air conditioner under more old blankets. “With global warming, she’s actually getting to spend a lot more time out here with us than she used to, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s eventually out here all year some day. But not now—bye, you giant, ugly hunk of plastic! Finally, the living room looks nice again.”
At press time, the muffled air conditioner could still be heard talking shit with a jacket Patricks hasn’t been able to fit in for at least a decade.
