With barely contained excitement, one Seattle man left out a special plate of cheese and milk for when St. Rat comes up through his toilet tonight.
“I’ll never know how St. Rat fits and scurries through all those stormwater and sewer pipes to somehow get up our toilets every winter, but that’s just the magic of the Christmas spirit I guess,” said Nathan Peters as he carefully set the plate of cheese on the bathroom counter before going to bed in his Christmas pajamas. “I’ve got the nutcrackers locked away so they don’t mistake him for a Mouse King or anything. He’s way better than that! So excited to see what Jolly St. Rat leaves for me in the morning.”
Along with the cheese and Dawn soap Public Health Seattle and King County says St. Rat needs to easily slip back down the toilet, Nathan left out a note with what he wants for Christmas from St. Rat.
“Dear St. Rat, all I want for Christmas is for the mural of you in Capitol Hill to never be defaced again,” the letter read. “Also, if you can manage, maybe just a one or twoday reprieve from Hot Rat Summer being forever so we can get enough snow for a Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam again. Sincerely, Nathan. P.S. Please leave your biggest droppings in the stockings of whatever public art hypocrite defaced the adorable squirrel mosaic mural that showed up next to yours this last fall because they seem to enjoy being shitty.”
At press time, Nathan was nestled all snug in his bed while visions of more religiously good public art showing up in 2026 danced in his head when on the bathroom floor there arose such a splatter, he sprang from his bed to see what was the chatter.
