In a stunning 180, today Gov. Bob Ferguson announced his support for a state income tax on millionaires after the Ghost of Christmas Future showed him how bad he’s going to lose his re-election bid in 2028 if he doesn’t.
“While it’s true I’ve spent my first year in office swearing I would never support a progressive tax of this sort, thanks to a visit from three spirits last night, I’ve now seen the light,” said Gov. Ferguson in an unexpected press conference just 2 days before Christmas. “I now understand that the state budget, especially while facing massive federal funding cuts, cannot be balanced without asking our richest residents to pay their fair share. I also don’t want to end up getting trounced in 2028 by someone no one had even heard of a few months before like Mayor Bruce Harrell just did. Oh, also a lot of other bad things would happen to other people too and I also definitely care a lot about that as well.”
Although all three Christmas ghosts attempted to change his mind on the policy, he reportedly didn’t until meeting the Ghost of Christmas Future.
“The Ghost of Christmas Past tried to show him how long this state has failed to adequately fund things like public education because it doesn’t have any state income tax at all, and the Ghost of Christmas Present showed him how bad Tiny Tacoma Tim was hobbling without adequate healthcare on top of it,” said the Ghost of Christmas Future. “He didn’t change his mind until I showed him a future where Tiny Tacoma Tim lives long enough to vote against him on his 18th birthday in 2028 for someone more progressive along with a lot of screwed-over younger generations sick of politicians who only make the rich richer.”
Asked why the soonest the millionaire tax proposal Ferguson supports would go into effect is 2029 after his potential re-election, the Ghost of Christmas Future defensively said, “Look, I did my best with what I was working with, give me a break—I’ve got a long night ahead of me with Bill Gates.”
