The Seattle Seahawks were forced to burn a timeout during their matchup with the 49ers tonight after mascot Blitz the Seahawk entered the field of play to perform an elaborate mating dance to woo the SkyCam.
“It’s 3rd and 4, Sam Darnold is in shotgun formation and, oh no, timeout—it looks like Blitz is attempting an acrobatic mating ritual with his longtime lover, SkyCam, at centerfield again,” said veteran Seahawks announcer Steve Raible. “His aerial cartwheel courtship dance with the camera is actually quite beautiful, if ill-fated. We had a feeling this might happen when Blitz was earlier seen dragging several shiny objects to the sidelines and placing them in a nest he’s constructed out of camera cables.”
As the Seahawks mascot handler finally wrangled Blitz and got him to the sideline, she was quick to assure football fans that this sort of behavior was perfectly natural among mascots.
“We have to cut Blitz some slack—sure to us the SkyCam looks like a cable-suspended camera system, but to Blitz that might as well be Aphrodite herself levitating high above Lumen Field,” said mascot wrangler Stephanie Prescott. “Besides, the romantic options for Blitz are pretty limited. Where’s a 6-foot bird mascot going to go looking for love? Birdr? OrnithologyFans? A star-crossed love affair twice a year with Big Red the Arizona Cardinal?”
Meanwhile across town, Seattle Kraken mascot Buoy was seen trying to hit on a soggy Dick’s Burgers bag next to the dumpsters outside Climate Pledge Arena with similar success.
