Today the Gates Foundation announced it would make an unprecedented $9 billion investment in an ambitious set of global health research goals this year, including finally finding the cure for associating with a pedophile.
“With this incredible commitment to such an amazing cause, we’re confident we’ll finally discover a cure for anyone remembering how much Bill Gates used to hang out with Jeffrey Epstein,” said Gates Foundation CEO Mark Suzman. “We thank Bill for his generous donation to this cause, which is in addition to whatever he directly paid the Trump administration after their little dinner together last year to have his name redacted on any released Epstein files. Although that investment went far, it came with the undesired long-term side-effect of solidifying Bill’s association with yet another pedophile.”
Suzman said the foundation itself could benefit from the cure if it’s ever achieved.
“We thought we were close to finding a cure for ourselves last year when the foundation’s name changed to remove the name of Bill’s ex-wife who divorced him over his association with a pedophile but unfortunately we were unable to also remove Bill’s last name,” Suzman said. “That’s how much Bill believes in the abilities of our research team and his investments in AI to someday fully eradicate people’s memories of who he really is.”
At press time, Suzman confirmed they’d already found a cure today for 500 Gates Foundation employees simply by laying them off.
