Just in time for the holidays, today Novo Nordisk announced a new, stronger Ozempic prescription for that beached whale you call Your Mom.
“We needed a test subject we could only measure on the Richter scale, so we called Your Mom,” said researcher Dr. Sykes. “Getting the right daily dose was harder than we anticipated since Your Mom spans multiple hemispheres.”
Despite the challenges, researchers say the results speak for themselves.
“Like the polar ice caps, we have witnessed Your Mom shrinking from outer space,” Dr. Sykes said. “Unfortunately, there were some downsides, too: Several grocery stores went out of business, and next year’s congressional maps are in flux now that Your Mom fits in a single zip code.”
Novo Nordisk is proud of their accomplishment but regrets that there was nothing they could do about Your Mom’s smell.
